Browse our jokes and stories by page number below. New additions are posted at the beginning of our archive.

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Fly Swatter - Louise came home and found Henry stalking around with a fly swatter. "Killed any yet?" she asked.
"Yep," Henry answered. "Two males and a female."
"How can you tell?"
"Well," said Henry, "two were on a beer can and one was on the telephone!"

Hitting The Bottle - A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of a bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it. "It's the minister, Mommy!" the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

Who Can Say This Sentence? - The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence, can date me."
So, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."
The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."
She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone...cheese mine!"

Seat Hog - A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together, the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly, then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony..."

Rocky the Trick or Treater - One Halloween, a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as 'Rocky' in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep a few minutes ago" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel and I'll be back three more times tonight too!"

The Nun and the Cab Driver - A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm a Catholic too!"
The nun says, "Ok, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I am a Baptist." The nuns says, "That's okay, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

Cemetery Short Cut - One dark night two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap- tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister!" one of them said after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death! We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled, "They misspelled my name!"

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