Browse our jokes and stories by page number below. New additions are posted at the beginning of our archive.

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Speeding - An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am, did you know that you were speeding?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding?"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave him her license.
The patrolman said, "I see you are from Texas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most irritating woman I've ever known."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says he thinks he knows you!"

Work Smart - An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
"Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad." A few days later he received a letter from his son.
"Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Son."
At 4 am the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire garden area. But when they didn't find any bodies, they apologized to the old man and left. Later that same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
"Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Son."
Mosquitoes- Some Boy Scouts from the big city were on a camping trip for the first time.
The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten.
Then one of them saw some lightning bugs. He turned to his friend and said, "We might as well give up. Now they're coming after us with flashlights!"

Software - At a recent computer software engineering seminar, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Only one man sat motionless among the ensuing forest of raised hands. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off!

Quiet Please! - My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone.
"Hello," she whispered.
"Hi, Honey. How's your mother doing?" I asked.
"She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.
"Did she go to the doctor?" I asked.
"Yes. She got some medicine." my niece said softly.
"Well, don't wake her. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?"
Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."

Keeping Grandpa - At my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, I was looking through a photo album of their marriage ceremony. "Grandma, so many of these styles have come back over the years," I commented. Grandma never hesitated. "That's why I've kept Grandpa all this time," she said. "I know he'll be back in style again one of these days."

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